Thursday Morning

I woke up this morning and spent the first however many minutes looking for my goddamned Lexis Mug ™. I couldn’t find the fucker anywhere. I was nearly panicked. What am I supposed to do? Put my morning constitutional in my Westlaw mug? I’ve got an image to project. It’s part of my professional reputation. I need a mug that says “This guy is a legal researchin’ fool” or “This cat has some memo writing prowess”. I’m on my way to Lexis Elite Status ™ and I’m supposed to just pick up and put my coffee in a Westlaw mug. I might as well show up to OCI in a double-breasted purple suit, actually with my transcript I might as well show up to OCI in a double-breasted purple suit. I remembered I left my mug in my locker at school.
I finally caved and put my coffee into the Westlaw mug. Winter has started here in Portland and the thin nearly mist/ nearly rain has started. I assumed the Portland winter walking posture as I headed to work. There are two correct postures for riding the bus and walking in downtown Portland, umbrella and non-umbrella (or the standard). I’m a standard, umbrellas are all from California and we all know it. The posture involves hunched shoulders so that your neck stays within your collar and is not a target for errant cold raindrops that may try to fall down your shirt. You then hunch your shoulders to keep your arms close to your body with one hand in your pocket and your other hand grasping your coffee mug to suck the warmth through the walls of the mug into your arm. You keep your brow furrowed and you squint to keep rain getting in your eyes. Every second block you shake your head to get the rain out of your face. If you have glasses you try to look over them b/c they usually fog up and get splattered with tiny raindrops. Squinting, furrowing your brow, and looking over your glasses all at the same time creates an expression that calls to mind a person suffering from dysentery on a long greyhound bus ride. I actually forgot my glasses this morning, along with my lunch, b/c I was so discombobulated from the Lexis Mug ™ search so no dysentery face today.
This position is slightly changed for women. The hunched shoulders, squinty eye thing still goes but they wrap both hands around their warm beverage. This is generally a chai, mocha, or some form of seasonal latte. (Off topic for a second, I see all these office girls wearing culottes lately. What the fuck? I thought everyone knew that culottes were ugly as hell.) They clutch the beverage for all its worth and rapidly walk stiff kneed toward wherever they’re going. If they don’t have the warm beverage they usually tuck their hands in armpits. The seal between their hands and coffee or armpits is usually tight enough that if you used it to package coffee beans, the beans would have a shelf life in the decades.
On the way to work my boxer shorts viciously attacked my left leg. They wrapped so tightly around my leg I think my toes are blue. I had to go to the men’s room to straighten them out but they were so out of control I had to take my pants off and dress myself over again. I blame this all on the Westlaw mug. Damn you Westlaw mug, damn you.