The Fifteen

The bus ride has been a little jerky lately. I’ve been riding during the general commute and the buses are usually standing room only. I don’t mind riding the bus standing, but other people mind me. I’m big, fairly broad shoulders, clumsy, and I’ve got a law student backpack strapped to me. The backpack usually extends another 18 inches off my back and weighs roughly half a dwarf star. Every time the bus jerks to a stop the weight in my backpack shifts and pulls me off balance. I try to stumble into the back of a seat but consistently end up bumping old ladies or young girls with very delicate feet.
Now the point of this post, if you’re on the bus and you’re standing halfway down the length of the bus and there are more people getting on and the front of the bus is full and the back of the bus is empty, then back up. Walk your ass to the back of the bus and make room for everyone else. It’s simple. Stop staring slack jawed forward at the people packing in, turn your head, notice the empty space, and move back. This will give big clumsy law students with backpacks room to stumble around and not knock over old ladies or crush pretty girls feet. Also, if you’re fourteen and an old lady gets on the bus stand up and give her your seat and then follow the above instructions about moving to the back of the bus. Women with small children, old men with canes or anyone with groceries are also entitled to the seat your in. This is an obvious universally recognized social responsibility. No whining, just do it.
Lately b/c of the fashion trend of pointy stiletto heeled shoes (which I love, it makes me think of Josie Cotton) the office girls are having an especially hard time standing on the bus. The bus will be barreling down the street, jerk to a halt at the stop (or when some asshole cuts the bus off), and they’re trying to maintain their balance on about .75 square inch of shoe surface. Add my big monkey ass with an enormous backpack bouncing into them and it’s damned hard for them to stay standing. So I’m now broadening the social responsibility of fourteen year olds to give up their seats to include office workers with sexy Josie Cottonesque high-heeled shoes. So says I, now obey.