I got this forwarded to me off of Craig's List. For a second I thought it was me, I've been wearing a black hoody for almost two years. Then I realized it's probably been about two years since I've been in the Boley library. I walk by but there's nothing I really need in there. Studying just isn't my thing. Reading client files in class and rocking it in court is my thing. At least I hope it is.
I love these guys. When I'm not bopping around to Waddlin Around I'm singing I'm Your Puppet. Any pachuco from Tejas to Califas would be thrilled to drop his ride and bob his head to these songs. Praise The Lowered and praise these cats.
So I've been thinking about the bar a lot lately, not so much about taking it but about after I've passed it. Not passed out at it, not that kind of bar. Anyway I think about Camus and facing the Chasm, I think about Nietzsche and ascending the Heights. This is neither of those things, this is a two day essay test. This is not a test of how I really am or how I really feel. This worries me. I'm not ascending the heights today. I'm not facing the chasm unflinchingly. Will I come out of this with a Sysiphisean understanding and acceptance of my life? Will I come out of this like the Eagle, or the Lion, or the Infant? I get the feeling that I'll come out as none of these. I'll be even more cynical, more exhausted, and less willing to question the purpose of my actions. Existentially why am I choosing this? I'm rolling over and accepting the Camel?
That's terrifying to me. I've read less since I've been in law school and haven't been able to pursue a lot of my interests. I'm taking an ethics class that seems completely devoid of ethics. This is the part where I watch my boss to try and figure out how does one behave morally as a Latino in a nearly all white profession. How do I create a morality in a vacuum and how do I find criteria for existence and being in this situation? What choices do I want to create? How can I become a Zarathustra or Sisyphus? Why is there no one who can guide me. Would a guide distract me or help? If you see Buddha on the path to enlightenment...
Is this a Kierkegaardian form of annihilation, or just a way to gyp me out of $700 bucks. Is this life or a problem. Do I try and solve this or experience it?