Point Whore

I made Lexis elite status a while ago. I think I wrote about it. As it turns out there is no secret handshake and you don’t get a free lunch with the P Diddy. I’ve been racking up the points and I still log on to Westlaw everyday to get a few extra points. These stupid points (which are about as lame as the incentives they used to offer in grade school, sell ten candy bars for the fund raiser and get a paper glider!) have me hooked like a research monkey. I will do any contest they email me. I’ll fill out any survey. I’ll take the Pepsi Challenge. Lexis is probably fighting with George Lucas right now over my soul.
You may ask “Antonio, why the hell do you jump every time Lexis offers points? You’re like a rat pushing the button to get a piece of cheese. Have some self-respect, you will never get enough points to buy the Ipod. No one has ever had enough points to buy the Ipod. They probably don’t even have an Ipod and just downloaded the picture off of Amazon. Pathetic little research monkey.”
You would be right to do so but I have utilized my amazing ability to rationalize. (I’m actually using my amazing power right now to type this post at the coffee shop instead of sitting in the library preparing for an oral presentation that’s coming up. I’ll return to this subject in a minute.) Frankly, I need the points. I’m as broke as a law student and the Lexis/Westlaw points are going to afford me the opportunity to get people Xmas presents. My family will be so happy to receive the latest study aids, t-shirts with the Westlaw logo (which are a free gift if I buy a study aid this week), highlighters and a burnie of the new Neko Case cd. (Burnie is my slang word for a burned cd, I’ve mentioned it before and I’m trying hard for a wide dissemination. Please use the word frequently, it is the hip thing to do. [There is nothing contradictory about getting advice on how to be hip from a guy who has rants about the chronological order of snub fighter production in Star Wars movies regardless of what you’ve heard.])
My battery is almost dead and a cute girl just smiled at the Morrissey sticker on my lap top. My coffee is also empty and it’s time for me to go to the library. So I’m going to go try and be witty and then head out. Rock on.