I'm smooth like a cheese grater

Our torts professor expects us to be on time to class and if you're late he singles you out and drills you for a while. I figure it's a fair deal. He usually finishes you off with a withering comment. My favorite so far was when he told me it was the quality of what I say and not the quantity that mattered. I basically agree with him and think he's a great guy. Anyway I got to school early and was sitting in the library reading the NY Times when I realized that class started at 9:15 and not 9:30 and that I was going to be late and humiliated. I haul ass to class and pass Mrs V. on the way. I said we're late, she said she knew that but she was going to skip because she was afraid to go in late.
Because I'm a freakin' gentleman I tell her that I'll go in first, make a lot of noise, drop my book, etc and draw Prof. Torts attention. Mrs V. can then slip in quietly through the side door and occupy her seat without him noticing and I'll bear the brunt of the Socratic Method. She agreed and said thanks.
I charged into the class room with my laptop blazing, I banged the door really loud, dropped my casebook and tripped on the step. My entrance was later described as "Spectacular" and "Awesome". Mrs V. meanwhile slide quietly into her seat.
Prof. Tort says "Well Mr. Gonzalez, did you not feel the need to participate in the discussion on the makeup class?"
I said, "I'll defer to your wisdom sir."
Prof. Torts "Let us then skip to co-counsel. Maybe they will have something worthwhile to add to the discussion."
I sit down and get organized and I'm feeling pretty good. I got off easy. No one noticed Mrs. V. come in. My neighbor leans over and reminded me that I'm a big dork.
Prof. Torts then spins on his heels and says, "Mrs. V. could you enlighten the class as to Judge Hand's theory of Negligence?"
Foiled. It was a decent try though. I'd also like to mention in my own defense that I am not a gunner. I've spent many years waiting tables and tending bar thereby becoming completely immune to insults and law professors.